So this afternoon at lunch I received a phone call from our adoption agency. Yes, all the initial paperwork is in, however, because of the high number of waiting families, we will have to wait three months to begin the process. Ummmm...ok, what's three months? I think.
Then, hearing the slight discouragement in my voice, she tells me that we need to prepare ourselves for a wait. She told us that typically birth mothers pick families who are childless because they want to fill a void for that family. Really? I think. We were overlooked so many times with our first adoption because the birth mother wanted her child to have siblings. So by this point my discouragement is palpable. I look over to Jenny who tells me just to get up and go to the car (she always knows best!). I will not cry...I will not cry...I will not cry....yeah right!
I tell all this to Jen and feel I am instantly transported back to my own personal mountain. For those of you who don't know, it's the same metaphorical mountain that the Israelites were delivered to a few thousand years ago. Here God had set them free and performed incredible miracles right in front of their eyes, yet when they got to the wilderness, they couldn't even trust Him to take them on a 2 week journey to the promise land! Instead, they went around and around and around the same mountain for 40 years!
Now, here I am again at my mountain. Two years ago I witnessed an incredible miracle...the birth of my daughter! Yet, now I'm once again not trusting Him to take me through this adoption process again???? No, I don't want to go around this same mountain again!
"Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding." Proverbs 3:5
I will lean on you Lord - I will trust in You - and I will put all my confidence in you, your plans, and your timing. I will not listen to those words of discouragement...your plans are better and you are greater!
I will not go around this mountain again.