Thursday, June 24, 2010

The Mountain....

So this afternoon at lunch I received a phone call from our adoption agency. Yes, all the initial paperwork is in, however, because of the high number of waiting families, we will have to wait three months to begin the process. Ummmm...ok, what's three months? I think.

Then, hearing the slight discouragement in my voice, she tells me that we need to prepare ourselves for a wait. She told us that typically birth mothers pick families who are childless because they want to fill a void for that family. Really? I think. We were overlooked so many times with our first adoption because the birth mother wanted her child to have siblings. So by this point my discouragement is palpable. I look over to Jenny who tells me just to get up and go to the car (she always knows best!). I will not cry...I will not cry...I will not cry....yeah right!

I tell all this to Jen and feel I am instantly transported back to my own personal mountain. For those of you who don't know, it's the same metaphorical mountain that the Israelites were delivered to a few thousand years ago. Here God had set them free and performed incredible miracles right in front of their eyes, yet when they got to the wilderness, they couldn't even trust Him to take them on a 2 week journey to the promise land! Instead, they went around and around and around the same mountain for 40 years!

Now, here I am again at my mountain. Two years ago I witnessed an incredible miracle...the birth of my daughter! Yet, now I'm once again not trusting Him to take me through this adoption process again???? No, I don't want to go around this same mountain again!

"Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding." Proverbs 3:5

I will lean on you Lord - I will trust in You - and I will put all my confidence in you, your plans, and your timing. I will not listen to those words of discouragement...your plans are better and you are greater!

I will not go around this mountain again.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Whoa Nelly....This Is For Real!

So today, I think I had that moment that many expectant moms have when they discover they're pregnant. While chatting with my sister this afternoon, my cell phone went off. I looked down at the screen and it said, "restricted." My heart skipped a beat because I knew it had to be the adoption agency. Sure enough it was. A sweet woman spoke with me for a few minutes - she confirmed that she received our application and check, however, there was something missing from our 1040.

The entire time we spoke I could feel my heart pounding in my chest...I was suddenly transported back to two years ago when we were going through this with Sophie's adoption. I know that we are once again in this process, but this time I know what we are going to get. It's not just that we are adopting a "baby"....we are getting another little person.

With that one phone call, so very early in the process, it suddenly became so very real - we're not just talking about it...we're doing it! Fear and doubt gripped my heart, but I have to go back to that Sunday when we were compelled to fill out our application. I can literally feel myself being pulled down this path, as if there is a rope around my soul. And just like any other expectant mom who has looked down and seen two lines, it is scary...but there is no turning back now!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

God is moving....

For our next adoption, I really wanted to document as much as I could so that we could look back and see how God has moved. I was thinking about starting when our adoption application was approved, but as I think back, it started much earlier.

For instance, back in April, our Chevy Blazer was breaking down (to the tune of $2,300!). We knew that buying a new car was our best bet, but we didn't know how we could do it. We started looking at mid-sized sedans and cross overs - the Blazer was a gas guzzler and we didn't want another. All of the cars we looked at didn't feel quite right. Through a series of events a few different people had mentioned vans. "No way," we thought! First of all, we only have one kid, second of all, we don't have enough money. Well, the more we thought and prayed about it, the more God revealed to us that we have to start thinking long term. If we are going to pay on this car for 6 years, we have to think about life in the long term. Suddenly, it made sense to buy a van. Not only did we find the perfect one, but through an online discount, we got it for $3,000 less than the asking price! I kept saying, "Now that I have a van, God can fill it with babies!"

Then we had housing issues. Should we stay in our condo or try to sell? Waffling back and forth, I had no idea until one Sunday when our pastor was preaching on having a servant's heart. He explained that one of the aspects of serving God was not waiting for perfection. Your circumstances will never be perfect enough - you should just do it! It was at that moment that I literally felt a stirring in my soul. I suddenly felt a great urgency to fill out our adoption urgent that I almost felt like I needed to run out of the sanctuary and do it right then. We mailed it out that Thursday! (6/17/2010) Yes, we live in a 2 bedroom condo, yes our kids will have to share a room. Will it be hard? Yes! Will it be cramped? Yes! Does God know this? Yes!

I don't know what God has in store for could be another 2 year wait - it could be a 2 month wait. All I know is that God is moving us toward a child right now. There is a baby out there who needs a home, who needs a Mommy and Daddy, and we feel that this is our calling. We are called to be parents to the orphan - as many as He will allow us to have.

We're scared, clueless, and questioning finances - but our certainty lies in Him. God is moving!